NOW HOW DO I FILE FOR UNEMPLOYMENT?

I am officially one of the 588,000 people in 2009(and that number is growing)that will now be filing for unemployment! The year just started!! How much worse is this going to get? I was officially given the option yesterday that I have two choices- obtain a new position that requires me to travel approximately 3-4 hours A DAY (Been there, done that!)OR give notice. The good news, is at least "notice" comes with severance! Cha-Ching!$!$$! I must admit though after being fully employed with this company for 13 years, I have mixed emotions. It was a company that was very good to me. Also, I ENJOY working!! I like being able to go on a Target binge or buy a pair of Manolos without having to worry. As a married "chick" I like not having to explain my purhcases. So here is the good news- God has a plan for everything and I think he knew deep down, I needed a new challenge. It is NO LONGER the same company. Respect for people has fallen by the wayside. I was not in love with my job like I once was. I was actually starting to hate it! For anyone else that is in the same boat- we will survive. Find your passion and make it work for you. I know that there is a new adventure waiting for me- HOPEFULLY A RADIO SHOW WITH MY OTHER CHICAS!! We will keep you posted! If you are on the job hunt just as I, I wish you only the best!!

CHOPPED N' SCREWED.. HEAVY ROTATION

I'm too old, but I can't help it. Just cause I left the Deep Dirty.. don't mean I don't get crunk when I hear that Rich Boy (pronounced.. boi). I only have a few of these in my arsenal that when it hits my satellite radio could cause me to jump out (in the middle of rush hour traffic) and do the creep dog (FAMU represent) nonstop for 30 seconds. I'm so HOOOOOOOOOD!

Drop - Rich Boy

CAUGHT YA SLIPPIN..

WELCOME TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF "HOW TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF.. ON A SHEET OF ICE".
This week I learned that BLACK ICE is not just a funky air freshener but you could lose your life just trying to get to your car. It is the DEVIL!! As usually, I under estimate or ignore any and all weather warnings.. because I am all knowing, and sh*t doesn't happen to me (I think). As I'm getting dressed for work and watching the morning news reports on dangerous ice conditions.. I say to myself.. oh.. that won't affect me.. I'll just walk slowly to my car. I can make it. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.. fall.. or bust their ass on a sloped driveway all the way down to the street. It was like I went sledding.. without the sled. On the way down I was thinking.. I going to need a paramedic. It could've been worse. Someone could've easily slid into my car.. there's not a Tylenol pill big enough for that one. After I scraped myself off the pavement along with the rest of my dignity, I had to sit in the car for another 30 minutes to thaw out the 3 inch thick sheet of ice covering my windshield. No.. I didn't have an ice scraper.. I'm going to Target tomorrow.

INDIRECT DIRECTNESS..

You can read into the above pic what you want.. personally I think some people may need it stapled to their foreheads... but I digress. You can easily replace the word "ladies" with my name.. works just the same.

Directness? Is that even a word? I get a pass since I'm blogging at 6:15 am and confused why DC government is opening today and everybody else is closed for inclement weather (drat!). It may be too early to be praying for snow days since technically this is only my 3rd day at the new job (trifling). Blogging has become a double edge sword. Yes, it is a great tool to flush out all these ideas swirling around in my brain at any given moment, but I fall in the bad habit of relying on it to convey things that I usually try to communicate face to face. Sometimes I have no choice, when my directness (there's that word again) meets a closed door. It used to frustrate me (okay, it still initially frustrates me), but it may be more of a reflection of the other person.. the object of my directness (I promise you I'll check Webster's in a minute). I have to realize you can't have a breakthrough with everyone. I feel one of my priceless examples coming on.. so you are at work or anywhere on God's green earth.. If I come across something I don't understand.. I ask questions to resolve my confusion. Eventhough I may not always get an answer, I'll continue to always ask the question... OR.. (I'm having an Oprah moment) maybe no answer is a clear answer (light bulb). Am I any better venting on my blog? Maybe not, but I was left to my own devices.

I CAN'T AND I WON'T..

My first thought after looking at this picture.. "She's your queen to be" - Coming to America. These prayer circles are coming too fast and furious for yours truly .. The Reverend. Can Jesus please show up and be a beacon of light to our nearly departed Ms. Bynum? Kudos for turning 50, and showing up to your birthday party looking like an extra at the Ice Capades. The original story is she reincarnated that prom/wedding dress to make the point that she is now married to herself?... or the cleaners lost her clothes?.. (your pick). Never to intentionally make light of domestic violence, but she's still suffering from the remnants of that beat down at the hands of that wayward ex husband (Paging Dr. Phil). This is what happens when you don't seek professional help. When I hit my mid life crisis, I bequeath my nearest and dearest to pluck me out of the abyss of self pity and drop me off at Nieman's.

PUNCHING THE CLOCK.. AGAIN!

".. I'm going to make it after all.."
What a GREAT day! Now I know how Mary Tyler Moore felt when tossing her crochet hat into the air. I wanted to do that at the corner of Florida and New York Ave NE, but I was afraid I would get hit and killed by oncoming traffic. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders today. Going back into the office/corporate/work environment after being absent for more than 5 years.. I didn't know what to expect. No, I'm not at a fancy downtown address like my previous on Connecticut Ave, and food choices are limited.. but parking is $7!! That makes up for everything. The usual suspects were all present.. you know those supporting characters that make any job site interesting. First up, the disgruntled temp.. she's mad as hell she had to go back to work for "da man".. and she'll tell anybody who will listen. The "I'm not gay, I just dress really nice" guy who I couldn't figure out until he commented on my shoes and new Kenneth Cole coat.. that is a dead giveaway every time. Oh.. let's not forget the "Are you gonna be my best friend" coworker who can't let you make the initial rounds without trying to know every intimate detail of your life right before you walked in the door. Brings back memories!! My job is top secret. It is completely hilarious to me that every one's job in DC is "top secret".. but they let a temp roll up in there with no background check have access to all this precious information. All I care about.. I get a regular check every two weeks.. ahhhh.. the simple things!

HONEY MUSTARD OR BUST..

A few of you know I've been out of sorts in the last week. I'm literally a real life nomad... traveling from one friend's house to another.. but the end will justify the means soon enough... any who.. my eating habits have been quite lack luster since all the excitement behind Obama's inauguration and since I actually did pack up and move to another city. The thought of cooking a home cooked meal just hasn't crossed my mind. Before my bank account gives me a code 10 alert, I treated myself to Outback yesterday (I know.. fancy!). Now, small things make me happy.. naps in the afternoon, catching a new episode of Divine Design, and finding an extra $20 in a coat pocket sends me doing the happy dance... BUT small things can just as easily send me into full cuss out mode. Yesterday, after what seemed an eternity after running a sh*t load of errands (and being lost in Fairfax county for an hour), and in that delicate stage of the beginnings of the sniffles and full blown pneumonia.. all I could think about coming up 495 was my beloved Chicken Griller on a bed of wild rice with a side of bbq pineapple slices, a loaf of bread and HONEY MUSTARD. The honey mustard is a key component... without it I might as well start gnawing on a piece of sand paper. I pull up to curbside, and what appears to be a young man evidently going through puberty comes to retrieve my name. Just a few short minutes later, he reappears with food in hand, I hand him a $20 (from the coat pocket) and tell him to keep the change (what?). When you are on your death bed, your judgement becomes questionable. Headed home, my mouth salivating, I run into the house, peel off my coat and shoes, head to the kitchen, get a bottled water and start to empty the contents of my bag. No honey mustard!!!!!!! First thought.. ahhh.. hell naw! The thought of giving that pre teen a $4 tip with no honey mustard sent me into a RAGE!!! So I jumped back into the ride.. drove 3 miles back to Outback, and proceeded to cuss out any employee that crossed my path. What did I get for my troubles?.. a free appetizer.. was it worth it? probably not.. am I PMSing? Hells yes!

DIE VOCODER DIE!!!!!

Jumping out the window - RON BROWZ

Don't you just love it when the lyrics to a song ring loud and true. I would gladly jump out the window.. matter of fact.. do a swan dive off the back porch to avoid ever hearing this song again.... EVER! Am I the only one that gets the squirmies when that sh*t comes on in the club/car? WTF? Just as it rang 14:59 on T Pain's watch, another one pops up.. and his name is Ron Browz. This is reminiscent of those junior high days when you were playing around with the Casio keyboard and somebody hit record. What is worse, I witnessed one of my "chicks" (looking at you L Boogie) bouncing back and forth to it like it was quality. Maybe it was the liquor and those moves were involuntary.. like convulsions. Since I'm now in the nation's capitol, I'm going to use my connections to get a bill on Capitol Hill to ban the use of the vocoder. Let it die with "I Want To Be Your Man" Roger Troutman (RIP). Can somebody take a baseball bat to it puhlease? Put it out of its memory once and for all!

FUNKY TRANSITIONS

Sitting here watching Max and Ruby on Noggin with my "chick" niece who is refusing to finish her mac & cheese, but is inclined in the same breath to ask for a cookie. I was reflecting on how drastically my life has changed since this time last week. What was I doing last Friday night?... shaking in my boots.. watching movers pull out of my driveway with all my belongings.. looking through my empty house which now looked so much smaller without the large sectional and 42" plasma hanging from the wall... so I was thinking.. am I making the right decision.. leaving all this behind? Traveling to a new city .. with no real prospects.. all because I'm bored and feel the need to fulfill a desire to never be complacent. Shouldn't I be more settled (in my lower/mid 30's)? So up 85 North with satellite radio blarring in the background and about 1/3 of my closet.. I left familiarity behind.. to witness history (that is now President Obama thank you very much!) and create a little of my own. Moment of clarity came on Tuesday around 9 am surrounded by 2 million of my new best friends that I realized I can never fail if I atleast try. Do I have my dream job yet? Maybe not.. Am I living life on my own terms? ABSOLUTELY!!

Yes We Can!!!

Okay, Okay, yes, I am still on my "Obama High" after making the trek from Jersey to DC. Not that far, but in traffic it is a B*tch!!! However, I feel like the media is tracking his every move so that they can catch him "doing wrong". Leave the man alone! Let him run our friggin' country! We are going to hell in a hand basket if we do not allow him to do what we put him in office to do!!! It is not pretty people. I am getting laid off as we speak. But seriously, I LOVE our new first family, I LOVE what they represent and I LOVE the positive energy. A cab driver in DC gave me a FREE cab ride after the Inauguration- how often does that happen??? My "chicks" and I had an AMAZING time freezing our tails off(toes and fingers numb, icicles running from our noses, etc.) I had an opportunity to attend the Midwestern Ball and see Mr. Prez and his wifey up close and personal(I am from the Chi- Represent, Represent!!!) They were simply STUNNING! Lets keep this positivity going PLEASE!!! I have declared it- 1.20.09 "Happy Obama Day" Let it live FOREVER!!!

HEY, I FORGOT MY "O" FACE..

At this late hour, I'm packing.. and packing.. and doing a little more packing.. and half way watching "Office Space" in the background. Some random reason, it got me thinking about my "O" face.... and where the hell is it? I may have to throw a search party for it soon. The female orgasm is a tricky and sensitive subject. I've always been mystified on how men seem to find theirs so easily. My dog doesn't know the difference between my fluffy house slippers and a chew toy, but he doesn't have a problem humping a stuffed miniature version of Shrek whenever the mood hits him.. but whateva. For all you men that are about to say, "I know plenty of women that have orgasms on the regular".. they are compulsive liars and it probably happens when men are not in the same room. Let's not forget about the "fakers" (FYI, a man's version of faking it is telling you they want a relationship.. then poof pow.. one day.. not so much - that's a whole other subject). We've all done it. Trying to build up your man's ego, cause you know he's trying so hard. Yeah, you may throw in a little dirty talk in for effect, but the whole time you are hoping the Orgasm Fairy pays you a visit before he climaxes, rolls over, and snores himself into a light coma. Like alot of things I have discovered recently, I've had it all wrong all these years. I think most women are used to the status quo. Someone sold us the lie a long time ago, that the female orgasm during sex (with a willing partner) is still elusive. That lie manifests into millions of unhappy and unsatisfied women that think this is the norm. Most men I know expect a women to perform acrobatics to turn them on.. not to say we don't like a little freak 'n sneak.. BUT.. I'll take a bouquet of flowers and a foot rub... and a side order of COMMITMENT.. now that's a turn on. My missing orgasm a cold case? Not so much.

IF I HAD MAGICAL POWERS..

I would cure world hunger (doing my Miss America wave.. elbow, wrist.. elbow, wrist)..
Seriously.. I've been playing this game alot lately. You know we all have those secret games. Like the one you play with your girls.. my all time favorite .. "Thats your man!". This is a big hit at the club, when that dude tries to make eye contact from across the room, but he has on that leisure suit two sizes too small but is still bold enough to walk up and lay his pimp game down. The trick to the game is to say "that's your man" before he reaches his final destination. Your girls always have to outdue you by picking the wackest dude in the place. Of course there are rules to the game. He has to be same race as the identifier, no visible handicaps (that's just mean), and he has to be wearing an article of clothing that is reminiscent of the 80's or 90's.. i.e. man sandals, male choker, or a tight body shirt that snaps between the legs. Since I don't frequent jook joints on the regular.. my new favorite game is .. If I had magical powers.. I would click my heels three times and pay off my mortgage, trade in my wardrobe for Rihanna's, and trade in Chris Brown for Idris Elba (church!). Yes, I would not be selfish with these powers, and would use them for good.. not evil, unless you got on my bad side and you mysteriously show up to work with a strange rash on your upper lip.... I kid.. I kid!!

FACEBOOK.. THE NEW CRACK..

I promise you I cannot remember a time where cells phones were not surgically attached to my hand, and I had a better relationship with the world wide web than most of my relatives. I believe Google is now a second cousin by marriage. First it was MYSPACE, then the alumni websites, and now FACEBOOK. I'm cancelling my TWITTER account as we speak. Now my Blackberry has gotten in on the conspiracy to destroy all human contact... with one scroll, I can update my status that I just took the trash out or you just caught me pumicing my heel. Do the masses really need to know that one? I'm in a codependent relationship.. and I don't like it. I actually tried to force myself off the facebook website, but once again, the Blackberry trumps me by sending a friendly email advising a Facebook Friend has commented on my status that I just finished wiping my ass and I was heading out for some chinese food. I'm no better than the rest. I get caught up looking at family photos, playing those mind numbing quizzes, searching for old boyfriends, crushes or the chick that was voted most popular in high school... then you see she's gained 50 lbs and still lives in Montezuma, Georgia. The worst part.. the "online friends" notification at the bottom right hand corner of the screen. Deep down, I feel like a loser when the same people keep catching me online. It's like an invasion of privacy. I want to say.. "hey, I have a life.. I just jumped on to see if I was "tagged" in any photos". I know I have a problem, that is the first step to rehabilitation.. right? And what the hell is a "poke" supposed to mean.

I am SO happy to be home!!

It is a beautiful thing to live AWAY from your family! Visiting for the holidays is fine but if the visit is too long it becomes resentful!

Do not get me wrong, I LOVE my family to death! However, I like sleeping in my own bed, not having my family and others tell me how to raise my child, and I LOVE peace of mind which is what I get when I am away from them!

Here are my top 5 reasons why I love being at home after the holidays!

5. I do not have to watch "Cousin Roscoe" do the happy dance because my grandmother made sweet potato pie! Mind you, the dance happened at noon because Roscoe has been drinking since 9 AM!!!

4. I am tired of my family saying that your daughter is just like you, she is "hard headed" and that makes a soft behind.....

3. I don't have a curfew! Being in my mid thirties and married, you think, by now my father would stop asking, so when will you be home?..?..? And I talk to him once a week when I am not home but for some odd reason, when I am home, he feels the need to call me every 5 minutes!

2. I do not have to look at my brother and want to slap his face! At 30 years of age, he still accepts NO responsibility for his life, has no "REAL" job, AND has moved back home with my parents!!!

P.S- B*tches continue to "take care of him" that is why he is in this predicment- Ladies, Wake the F*u% up already!!!

1. I do not have to visit my in-laws everyday!!! Hallelujah! Quarterly visits are just fine with me thanks!!!

Does anyone else share my pain? Please comment!!!!

THE YEAR OF THE RISK TAKER..

I'm going for mines.. in '09. Okay, that was corny.. but true! It is amazing when you surround yourself with like minded people that all want to move forward. For most of 2008, I was stuck in a rut. I can't tell you how much I hate being "stuck in a rut"! When things stay the same, I get bored, when I get bored, I get frustrated, when I get frustrated, I get motivated. So now, I'm at the final stage.. motivation, now comes the season of change. Yes, Pastor Jenkins (First Baptist Church of Glenarden) spoke about the Season of Change for this year's Watch Night service... and yes I went to a party afterwards, but me and Jesus talked about it, and he said it was okay. So I started out my New Year's on the right foot. This year's theme.. be more of a risk taker .. or atleast have more new experiences, and don't be afraid of the unknown. So I started out my year at Shelly's Back Room with a special friend that introduced me to the art of cigar smoking. As unladylike as cigar smoking may sound.. I felt quite refined. Like a GAW (grown ass woman). Next up.. move to a new city, start a new career(s), sky diving, a new tattoo, and to be on the unrelentless path to find what makes ME happy!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!