HOW TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF..

Good Afternoon Children. It is time for another installment of HOW TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF.. AT THE CLUB. I'm working on my theme music for this post.

Let's go back September '07. In DC at one of my favorite night spots. One of my Brown Chicks is with me, and I'm siced (DC shoutout) to see Jay-Z live. So you know the spot was packed like rush hour on Friday. Our plan was to get there at a decent time and get as close to the stage without getting crushed. We find our spot, dance to the music, get shoved by security, and make some new friends while we are at it. The whole time in the back of my mind, I'm thinking.... I'm too old for this sh*t.. BUT.. I soldier on .. in 3 inch heels. After almost two hours.. me and my fellow "chick" are starting to lose hope, but then HOVA takes the stage. The stampede towards the stage commenses and I shoot a look to my friend as if to say "I came, I saw, I conquered". We made our way to the back were there was plenty oxygen available. We still actually had a good view of the stage from our safe zone in the back, and I'm thinking... I can chill right here.. until I feel someone's hind parts rubbing against my back. I'm thinking, all this extra room, why in the hell is this drunk broad trying to push up on me? Keep in mind.. I don't have a visual cause she doing the drop it like it's hot directly behind me. My rule is 3 strikes and you're out! So I give her 3 times to bump into me until I give her the hard elbow in the back. That got her attention. I'm feeling like Wonder Woman right about now. Who does she think she is? Well.. who she is .. is a 5'9" 300 lb drunk black chick with a Moet bottle in her hand and nothing to lose. (YIKES!!!) She steps in front of me (I'm 5' 125 and don't like to fight), waving the bottle in my face and says those undeniable fighting words.. "Is there a problem?". Ooooh sh*t! I shoot my "chick" the look of .. my emergency numbers are in my cell phone in case this broad knocks me unconscious and I wake up at Howard University Hospital not knowing my name. I got the reassuring look back from my side kick.. saying "I won't leave you .. if you get knocked the f*ck out". See, when you are with your tight girl.. no need for words, we intercept messages with just a facial expression. At this point, I have two choices. I can run for the door or stand my ground. I chose to stand my ground,very diplomatically (Team Tiny stand up!). I went all Barack Obama on her.. got real cool, like I was explaining the North America Free Trade Agreement to Sarah Palin. I knew one blow from this chick and it was over.. I'm no fool. After a few verbal exchanges, her friends coaxed her to walk away. I thank God everyday for those friends, cause I may have been still walking with a limp. So the lesson I learned from this incident.. I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS SH*T!