Ah, fully loaded, ah yes! Well not fully loaded, but maybe a little tipsy off of a bootleg martini mix and lemonade. I'm definitely not drunk, since I haven't started drunk dialing yet, maybe a little drunk texting, but that's harmless.. right? It was just one of those days where I need to sit in a dark corner and have a little talk with myself with a drink in my hand. It's all about a little self reflection. Not that I regularly deal with my problems with liquor, but I had a pretty uneventful day and a refrigerator full of leftover libation from an all girls weekend a few months back. I can totally understand without a good conscious and some supervision, it is easy to slip into "Hi, My name is.. ,and I'm an alcoholic". My source of discomfort is feeling that I have no help. I have to make decisions (solo) on everything. No one to divert to. No one to swoop in and save the day. Whether it's the light bill, renewing my car tags, buying a spare tire, paying a handyman to fix a toilet that has been running (unbeknown to me) for about a month. What tipped me off is my high ass water bill I got last week. Don't you sometimes wish you could go back to.. when you hit 18 and you had no REAL problems. My biggest problem at 18 was trying to schedule my college courses around the Young & the Restless. Sometimes you just want to be able to lay your head on somebody's shoulder and for them to pat you on the back and say "it's okay". I have great friends, and wonderful family, but sometimes you want/need more. As I'm coming down off my buzz, I have decided not to make this a regular occurrence, but it felt good while it lasted. Maybe I'll take the dog outside and walk it off.
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