WORLDWIDE SWAGGER

Okay, I will try in the future to limit my Jayonce coverage and keep my secret infatuation of them to myself. I'm ashamed to admit, but I'm officially a stalker. I wonder if there is a support group for this. Usually, I would not take time out to focus on the Glastonbury Festival, but for the past few months, there was some controversy surrounding it because Jigga was scheduled to headline. A bunch of englishmen got their panties in a bunch because this is the first time a hip hop act is headlining the festival. I don't know why I get personally offended when they try to shut down hip hop. In classic Jay-Z fashion, he silences his critics by entering the stage, guitar in hand covering Oasis' "Wonderwall". Okay.. I know y'all are thinking.. wtf is a "Wonderwall".. seriously, I got too much time on my hands.. While watching the clip, keep in mind they expected him to bomb. By the end, he had 250,000 throwing up the "Roc" sign. I guess the thing that impressed me was he took on the mentality .."Don't talk about it, be about it!". So many hip hop artists take to the radio airwaves or blogs (I see you Kanye) to try to remind us how great they are. Maybe it's something in the testosterone. Let your talent speak for itself. No speeches or grandstanding! While everyone wants to jump to Soulja Boy's defense of making crappy music, I bet you he couldn't pull that sh*t off. Off my soapbox now... around 8:02, you can catch B doing a jump jacks/running man hybrid in support of her man! Ahh. black love. I think I secretly want to be them.. I think they're my new best friends. This concludes my Jayonce coverage for the week. Unless B announces that she's knocked up or anymore pics pop up of her kissing my husband Idris.. I'll keep these unhealthy impulses to myself.... where are my pills?

LOVE THE ONE YOU ARE WITH!

Okay, please tell me if this has ever happened to you.... You are positive about life, your job(maybe), everything is going great. You are happy, your spouse or significant other is happy (at least you think so) and BAM! It happens! You see the EX OR the EX contacts you. Or in this case "googles" the sh*t out of your name to track you down. CRAZY!!! LOCO!! Here is the deal, I think it is very human to think about your EX's, what they have been up to, how their lives have turned out, etc. Especially if you cared for them/LOVED them and the breakup was not horrible. However, after SEVERAL years, do you have the right to contact? SHOULD you contact? The answer is probably NO, especially because you broke up for a reason. Maybe it was incompatibility, young love, bad sex, bad breath :), CHEATING BAST@RD, they were just not that into you, WHATEVER..... you are not together and there is a reason for it. So why revisit the past? If you do, you may get excited OR you may be very DISAPPOINTED!!!!! Case in point... I have been tracked down. At first, I was not sure how I felt about this. Honestly, because, I feel that the opposite of LOVE is not HATE, it is INDIFFERENCE and with him, that was EXACTLY how I felt. I was finally happy with someone else. However, I did have butterflies. Not the I am so excited and I cannot wait to see you butterflies, they were the OMG, I cannot believe this, after all this time (10 years +) butterflies. Well, we talked, and I must say, it was a bit therapeutic. I got a lot of my questions answered, so did he. I felt good about the situation especially because I checked him QUICKLY after he tried to "go there." But here is the best part, after talking to him for 10 minutes, I realized why we broke up. He is a LIAR! I could not believe a word that came out of his mouth many years ago and I cannot believe it now and once again, I AM HAPPY! I got the update about him and his family, I got my "what exactly happened" questions answered and I am good. Here is the problem. He keeps calling. Why? Who in the heck knows. I have my assumptions, however, WHO CARES! Stop calling me! I have moved on thank you very much!

DAMN HER...

Beyonce & Idris Elba filming a scene from "Obsessed"

I try not to make it common practice to be jealous of other women, even on those days when my "Fly" o-meter has taken a vacation but... B (I call her that cause we're friends.. in my mind) is the luckiest chick in the game right now. If you combine Jay (her real husband) with Idris (her fake one).. you have the perfect man! EUREKA! How do you keep your composure being that close to all that sexiness on the regular? I know Beyonce is in her trailer between takes saying to herself.. "Keep those panties on girl".



Rihanna = Flawless

In my mind, this is how I would dress if my pockets were a little deeper and my first shopping preference wasn't Old Navy or Target. Fashion Roadkill is an epidemic.. I know Ashanti hates to see her coming.

I LOVE THE POLE

Controversial.. yes.. I know! Especially coming from me.. the poster child of "virtue" (yeah right!). Repressed sexual frustration has been eating away at me for the past few days. Not sure if it's the PMSing or the lack of fatty calories I'm depriving myself on my journey to "Get Fine" in the next 30.. make that 60 days. Not to mention the binge episode I had at my local Chick-Fil-A yesterday, where I swallowed a Combo #1 with Lemonade in a mere 42 seconds.. whole (I can only eat organic carrots and unsalted rice cakes for so long). So being a single girl, you always have to find creative ways channel that energy. My remedy.. POLE DANCING classes. My first thought was.. nah. Not me. Not my style. My stylists has been going for the past few weeks and not only does she now display super human upper body strength, but she found it very liberating. So I thought.. what do I have to lose. Eventhough, I was told to come dressed with little clothing.. I need to make sure they are not auditioning for the 2-4p shift at Body Tap. If I catch a scent of anybody trying to make it rain.. I'm grabbing my nipple tassles and I am outta there! So, a new territory and experience awaits!

Ode to Maxwell....

NOW


THEN





Maxwell, my love, where have you been? It was great to see you last night on the BET Awards. You were the highlight of the evening, considering the rest of the awards show was a circus! I am very excited about your new Trilogy. I have been waiting quite a while for this and I am sure you will not disappoint me! However, I am not sure about your new look. How, in my dreams, I ran my fingers through your long hair and dreamt about you singing sweet nothings in my ear. Now, this "clean cut" look gives me new and totally different fantasies. I am very resistant to change, but for you, I will accept it. A lot has happened since we were last together and I can see that you have grown. You are on your voyage through this neo-soul movement and I am more than happy to take that journey with you. Welcome back! My ears have been waiting....

SHORT TERM PLEASURES.....

EQUAL A LIFETIME OF PAIN!!! This is exactly what my 6TH grade teacher repeated to my class OVER and OVER and OVER again!!! I will never forget it and I often asked myself, why does she keep repeating herself? Is she crazy? Now I know. In this particular situation, it is a tad different. This is probably the most disheartening part. These instances were "planned" pleasures and honestly, at that age there was probably no pleasure involved. Only stupidity. If you have not heard about one of the MOST FOOLISH and SAD things ever, I will inform you. In Gloucester, Massachusetts, A spike in pregnancies at a Massachusetts high school is being blamed at least in part on an agreement made by a group of girls to get pregnant. All of them are 16 and under.
Time magazine quoted the principal of Gloucester High as saying the girls decided to get pregnant and raise their babies together. HOW DUMB!! HOW FOOLISH!!! They have NO idea what they are getting themselves into. But more importantly, WHERE ARE THE PARENTS!?!!?!!? That may be part of the problem. Obviously these girls lack self esteem and have bigger issues. Maybe it is a lack of love in their lives overall? No accountability from whatever family structure they currently have? Principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine that the girls were making frequent stops at the school clinic for pregnancy tests and "seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were." He said when some of the girls found out they were pregnant, they traded high fives and talked about baby showers. There are currently 17 girls "with child" vs. 4 from the previous year.
One of the fathers was identified as a 24-year-old homeless man, Sullivan told the magazine. WTF!!!!! What were you thinking? Oh, I am sorry, you weren't obviously.

As a parent to a little girl, My husband and I are already starting to make "Our Keys to Life...." It will be straightforward, to the point, and hopefully very helpful! Here it is in its early stages....

1. Make good solid decisions- This is very important. You will make wrong ones, however, at least be able to recover.
2. "Show me the friend and I will show you the man" Choose your friends wisely- They are a direct reflection of you! You can all be different, eclectic, and even strange in some ways, however, you should still share the same core values.
3. Look at the BIG Picture! You have a very promising lifetime ahead of you. You have SO many more opportunities than I ever did and I promise to give these opportunities to you even if I have to make sacrifices, I will NEVER sacrifice you!
4. If you love it, let it go. If it comes back to you it is yours, if not, don't sit around waiting for it! Life is too short! Better is available and wanting a wonderful woman like you...

Do you have rules for good parenting? If so, do you mind sharing? I would love to hear them!!! It takes a village......

IT IS WRITTEN

August 28, 1963: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivers his "I Have a Dream" speech at the Lincoln Memorial.

August 28, 2008: Barack Obama accepts the Presidential nomination at the Democratic National Convention.

January 19, 2009: America celebrates the birthday and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

January 20, 2009: Presidential Inauguration Day.

Thank you Jesus!

Dealing with Schizophrenia in Marriage

Okay, take a deep breath. That's what I tell myself today, of all days. I actually MADE it to my next anniversary. Phew! I love him, I really do. He's a great husband, a great dad, an easy going guy and oh soooooo very fine. He looks like what I always pictured as my dream man. But my goodness, this thing called marriage is like dealing with a serious bipolar, schizophrenic, disorder. One day your up, the next your down. Who am I today? Am I Lisa or Larry? Tammy or Tyrone? GEEZ. And in no way am I patronizing such a serious and real illness, but that's one of the only parallels I can think of that fit with what you go through. For anyone who told you that marriage is easy, they are LIARS!

First, that promise you made on that special day surrounded by friends, family, flowers and food is actually supposed to be kept. Can you believe that? Actually keeping a promise -- FOREVER. That means until you die. I mean, we've all said, okay, I promise not to gossip. Okay, I promise not to tell anyone that secret you told me. Hmmm, I'm sure at times we've all broken promises. But this one, this one in marriage is so real and so serious. So the road hasn't been easy. There have been major fights and major tears. But also lots of laughs and lots of special moments (sorry, not giving you those details).

Then people say...oh, you have to work at it. That is like the understatement of the century. I thought if you were all boo'ed up and in love, you'd just fight, make up and it's all good. Um, no. That's not the case. Keeping it real as I always do... Fights can last for days, weeks, even months. You can deal with the same recurring issue...day in and day out. Also, you and your friends may argue, cry, hug, apologize and then it's done, forgotten... but oh no...there's too much at stake when you're married to just to punk out like that -- you gotta hold your own. I've always been one to not like being "played" so when I feel that creeping up at all -- I go off! My husband's the same. He's not just going to back down like the softee he appears to be on the surface.

Then, one day, not magically, no doves flew through the air, it's like we finally got in synch. Well, at least this month. I guess my marriage has been taking its meds. All I know, I am in it for the long haul. I'm in it to win it. That's why God made wine, friends and blogs...so I can have a release. AHHHH! Breathe.

TWO STEPS FORWARD... TWO STEPS BACK..

First up, Michelle Obama's appearance on The View yesterday was the greatest example of female empowerment. A sense of pride came over me knowing millions of people were able to witness a smart, articulate, funny black woman who WILL be our next First Lady. Pay attention young ladies, this should be your ROLE MODEL. She wasn't there to talk about her upcoming movie or CD coming out, she was there to shed light on the new face of America. She was so likeable, Elizabeth Hasselback couldn't resist her undeniable charm. One word.. EXQUISITE!


Michelle Obama's appearance on The View - Thursday, June 18, 2008

Just as I feel it is all of our jobs to uplift each other, and not just the job of Michelle Obama alone, my momentum hit a brick wall this morning watching the Today Show where Marcrida Patterson (who appears to be black) is suing Victoria's Secret for a defective thong. If you are interested in the full ridiculous explanation of her lawsuit, the clip is below. Just a thought, am I the only one that thinks its a little gross that a 52 year old wants to wear thongs with a jewel on it? Grandma needs to stop showing up at the club wearing her Forever 21 outfit and go home and check on them grandkids (you know she got some). She probably was that mother that when her kids' friends stopped by to study, she conveniently answers the front door half naked. STOP EMBARRASING YOUR KIDS!... Sorry.. got off the subject. The time and energy it probably took her to come up with this foolishness, she could have helped a homeless person, tutored an elementary kid, and sent money to the flood victims in the Midwest. It takes a village...




Marcreda Patterson suing Victoria Secret for a defective thong.

BITTER, PARTY OF ONE

So, I'm a young black single female in my early (mid) thirties living in a large metropolitan city. I can honestly say I am content with life as it lays before me. Great family and friends, wonderful place to call home, and a 3 lb dog that thinks I am the Queen of All the Animals. Every blue moon, you get pulled out of this sense of contentment with the most annoying question for single women everywhere.. "Why are you still single?". These "single" reminders would render any woman with low self esteem, fearful and desperate. Personally, I'm quite used to the age old question, and usually prepared when thrust upon me. The most common place I hear it is at family reunions year after year. Slowly you start to notice that all your first cousins show up with the new boyfriend/fiance/husband, and you're still riding solo. Sometimes, you catch that look of pity from the drunk Aunt that thinks it's funny to ask about your sex life in front of your overly strict father who wants to believe you are still a virgin. Or the most offensive "Is she a lesbian?". Just because I show up to the cookout male-less does not mean I'm batting for the other team. The second most common is when you are in Best Buy and you have been waiting to buy that brand new 42" plasma television, but forget that eventhough someone from the store helped load it into your car, you now have to figure out how to get it inside your house by yourself without dropping it on your foot. BUT.. the one that sends me into a personal tail spin is sitting in my gynecologist's office being told I have to get a sonogram because I may have fibroids but everyone else in the "Secret Sonogram Waiting Room" is there to confirm the exciting news of the impending birth of their child. I'm never angry, jealous, or BITTER about those that have found their soul mates. I just sometimes wonder why it is so hard to find mine. After several failed relationships, I've been told I'm too picky and I need to have realistic expectations. I believe part of that to be true, but in making the most important decision of your life.. like choosing the person to help you pay the bills, who will help build a future for the both of you, who you decide will be the LAST person you have sex with (ever), who you decide to procreate with, who you will sometimes put before yourself because you can't see life without them. With all that said, shouldn't I be a little PICKY?

WACKNESS IN ROTATION & GUILTY PLEASURES

Once again, I am forced to show my negroid side and ask these few recording artists to step aside and bow out gracefully.

I welcome you to the DON'T PLAY YOURSELF segment!

Ashanti - "The Way That I Love You" otherwise known as "MAKE IT STOP!"



Ray J - "Sexy Can I" ... or as I'd like to call it "Let's Don't and Say We Did"



The Guilty Pleasure picks are songs I'm embarassed to claim out in the open, like that girl in your crew.. when you go out everyone else is dressed appropriately .. but she decides to wear that hot pink spandex halter dress with no Spanx to cover the millions of dimples on her butt cheeks. Personally.. my friends don't ride out like that.. I'm just sayin..


Hotstylz - "Lookin Boy" .. the real tragedy is that I've already downloaded it to my Ipod. (shaking my head in shame).



The Dream - "I Luv Your Girl .. I was trying with all my 5'1" might to avoid liking this song.. I buckled under the pressure. I've been in Atlanta too long. Someone please reach down and pull me out of this abyss of unconsciousness.

STOP PUTTING THAT SH*T IN YOUR MOUTH!!!

BEFORE


AFTER

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend this morning that feels exactly like I do. Why the hell can I not take off 20 pounds?!?! We have both had children recently (her more recent than me :) and we are trying to "get fine" for the summer but it is not working in our favor!!! I obtained an even further perspective after hanging out with my girlfriends this past weekend. We have decided that we do have not the best eating habits and we can all shed a few lbs. Based on these conversations, I have come to the conclusion of many things THAT will help us obtain our "GET FINE STATUS," but I will just share the top 5....

1. You must move your ass! Exercise is not only critical to losing weight but keeping it off. I HATE exercising however, I LOVE looking good so one outweighs the other… Walking to your car to and from work does not count as exercise. You must take your behind to the gym and or do at least 30-60 minutes of physical activity each day.

NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels!!!

2. Count your calories!!! I think that if you wrote down everything that you put in your mouth for an entire week you would be SHOCKED!!!Ask yourself, would I like to see this on my thighs? As you pick up that doughnut or ice cream cone ask yourself is it worth it? Have I burned enough calories today that will allow me to have this treat???

3.Drinks count!!!! Whether it be a Starbucks Grande cafe mocha, Vitamin water, or wine with your girlfriends after work, they all have calories that add up if you have one too many. Make sure you add that into your overall caloric intake. A Gut NEVER looks good, well, only if you are pregnant! That is the one and only exception!! You must work on your abs and it will also help strengthen your back!!! I am a firm believer that if you work at it you can wear a bikini at 40+! (Ex: Sex and the City- Yeah I know, they were white……)

4. As you get older, it gets harder!!! I cannot just forgo breakfast anymore and lose 5 lbs. by the end of the week. And as we age we are more prone to back pain! Don't deprive yourself! Give yourself milestones (Lose 5 lbs, have that brownie, etc...) that will allow you to have the foods you love but in MODERATION not deprivation!

5. Be a COUGAR not a COW!!! Recently I was approached by a VERY ATTRACTIVE man 8 years my junior. As he approached me I shared with him my age and he was very surprised. I said to myself, what if I was 20 pounds lighter? I could look like I was 21 again  HAHAHAHA!!!

My girls and I have decided to join Weight Watchers. My commitment is that I will blog my success and I do mean my SUCCESS every week and keep you posted. Let me know what you think….. I am open to suggestions.....

CROWN ROYAL ON ICE

Outside of my character? Maybe.. after 15 years, you may deserve it. The obvious signs I evidently missed are now coming through loud and clear. Was it that Crown Royal you were nursing or my two shots of lemon drops that made it easier to be receptive? Not sure, but the smoke has cleared and a very impressive imprint has been left on my brain thanks to a visual that magically appeared by cell phone. So now you are my personal Mr. Big. Eyes wide open now. No blushing necessary, you may have elevated your friend status to possibly more. Definitely out of my character.. but you deserve it.

I'M AN 80'S BABY THROWBACK

"Still A Thrill" - Jody Watley

I was soooo wanting to be this chick at the tender age of 12. She was like the black Madonna.. fly! Love this song. Takes me back to 7th grade when I had a crush on David Lowman, only I was the only person that knew I had a crush on him.. ever. That may have set the tone for the dysfunctions in my future relationships. I'll save that one for the therapists. Wooo-saah!

The only thing I'm not cosigning in this video is the gayest male dancer ever that is supposed to be her romantic lead. By today's standards, he would definitely be in the running for the President of the Al Reynolds fan club. Enjoy!

MY TRUE LOVE

In 2003, I had it all wrong. I was thinking, I needed something new, a breath of fresh air, a change of scenery. Sure.. there has to be greener pastures, so I moved on. Said I wasn't going to look back, but every chance I get... trying to figure out ways to see you again. Orbitz and Cheaptickets.com assisted me in my quest to stay connected, but the more I saw you, the more I knew a mistake was made. I'm mature enough to admit, my decision may have been hasty. You bared your soul to me, showed me all that made you better than the rest. I catch myself reminiscing about our special moments at Republic Gardens, Eastern Market, Horace & Dickies, the Red Sage.. too many to name. You even introduced me to GO GO. So five years later, my feelings have never wavered. You embraced my friends as I deserted you. You are like the perfect mate.. PG and Montgomery are equivalent to the guy that is the marrying kind... soft spoken and stable, but in the District.. some may see you as rough around the edges, but that is part of your essence.. U Street Corridor, Logan Circle, Capitol Hill, 16th Street, Adams Morgan, Rock Creek Park, 9:30 Club, Tuesday nights at Takoma Station, and now.. 201. You make it harder every time I leave you, but I know I'll see you soon. So until then..




Backyard Band @ 930 Club 2001

Your girl was in the front row, check me out around 2:39 doing the two step in slow motion. Oh the memories!

THE NICK CANNON HALL OF FAME

"Check Your Coat" - O'Neal McKnight

It is with great honor and distinction to officially induct our first honoree O'Neal McKnight into The Nick Cannon Hall of Fame. What is The Nick Cannon Hall of Fame you ask? This is a special place for those individuals who popped out of thin air and for reasons unknown to the universe either have become famous, have a hit song, reality show or get to date the famous hot chick for no particular reason at all. It's like the corny dude in high school that never has any friends and has the inappropriate relationship with the lunch lady that serves sloppy joes. But by some twist of fate shows up on the arm of the Homecoming Queen at prom. It's like they have some Superman powers that are unexplainable and perform mind trickery on the masses. People... The Emperor Has No Talent!

I would welcome anyone to enlighten me how this dude got cameos like Russell Simmons, Swizz Beats, Little X, and the old guy from "Back to the Future" and his trusty DeLorean. Lets not talk about the studded Chuck Taylors and Members Only Jacket and the stiff Michael Jackson impersonation. I consider myself a connoisseir of music, but I don't know who this guy is. But I digress... the song is catchy, but I can't connect the dots.

I would like to also nominate Greg Nice for MVP!

Honorable Mentions of The Nick Cannon Award:
Rich Boy - only because I often confuse him with a Gremlin
T-Pain - for obvious reasons
John Mayer - how did he pull Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Anniston?

But.. the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Flavor Flav. He put ugly and wackness on the map!

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

A DAY IN HISTORY: JUNE 3, 2008

Sitting here watching CNN coverage of the Democratic primaries. As we all know to be evident, we finally have chosen a Democratic nominee. The realization of the historical significance of this day came to me with surprised emotion and sheer excitement. Looking toward the next few months to the general election, my thoughts go to the current state of our nation. To put things in perspective, I just paid $4.08 for a gallon of gas. I had a conversation with my mother who is contemplating the increasing costs of elderly adult care for my ailing grandfather, along with my underline fear of not knowing if my current income will sustain longevity. Then I say, this is how history repeats itself. It is all in cycles, and we all have choices. January 20,2001, George W. Bush was inaugurated as the 43rd President. A mere 8 months later, the tragedy of 911 engulfed our nation. He had a choice on his legacy as an American President. Most would not argue that the choices he made left our nation in greater dispair than 8 years ago when he took office. If our "GREAT BLACK HOPE" makes it to the Oval Office in November, what ruin will our nation be left in. The true testiment will be how he pulls us out of the wars and financial depression our current leader has placed us in. Then I think.. but this is what WE do. We rise to that challenge and succeed because we have always been prepared for the worst case scenario. We are used to discrimination, unequal pay, looking on as Georgia state drivers can still place a Dixie flag on the front of their vehicle as if to commemorate a great time in history. In college, I was always told you WILL have to do twice a good as your white counterpart to compete on a level playing field. We were raised to change the course of history. I used to imagine how much we could achieve if we atleast do the basics, but now we have an example of someone who has done the impossible. That is what I take from this day.