I HAVE A SINKING FEELING..

Barack Obama addressing crowd in Germany - July 2008


The summer is going by so quickly. Since Barack Obama won the Democratic nomination, I've tried to stay positive.. slow and steady .. I would repeat to myself. Any ounce of negativity or bad press would send my nerves cart wheeling. It is not a secret that John McCain is running a lack luster race. From my perspective, Barack can do no wrong. The guy is made out of teflon (seriously). In the back of my mind.. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop (this is my pessimistic side talking). I'm waiting for the bone to fly out of the closet that will send Barack's campaign into a tail spin. We are so close to the finish line. I don't want anybody to mess it up. The usual suspects likely would be the right wing militia, the "good ole boy" network (so I thought). Those that NEVER want to see a person of color reach the White House. Once again.. history repeats itself. Nobody is better at bringing US down than us! We don't have to worry about the Republicans.. we will hang ourselves. We will sell each other out quicker than Amy Winehouse can yell "crack" to have the opportunity to "shuck and jive" for the media at large. I don't know how much more Barack can sustain.. with the likes of Rev. Wright, Jesse Jackson, and now Ludacris (really?). This is my plea to all Black Americans... I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER CONTROVERSIAL SPEECH, PRESS CONFERENCE, SONG, RAP LYRIC, "UNDER YOUR BREATH" COMMENT, OLD NEGRO SPIRITUAL THAT CAN BE CONNECTED TO BARACK OBAMA IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM FROM ANYONE ELSE UNTIL NOVEMBER 5TH... and not one minute sooner. You know how you are dating a nice guy.. and you hope the relationship progresses.. so when it's time for him to meet your family.. you threaten bodily harm to anyone that tells him about the time you were a toddler and decided to take a impromptu bath in the toilet. Keep that sh*t to yourself. On November 5th at 12:01 am (to be exact).. you ignorant fools can plan a parade.. march down Constitution Avenue .. hand in hand.. dressed in mardi gras masks singing the theme to "Cooley High" for all I care. Until then.. I expect everyone to be on their best behavior. FREE SPEECH MY A**!

GYM PET PEEVES

We all see it everyday. This unwanted behavior. I believe there is a need for a certain level of decorum in any environment. The gym is supposed to be a place of solitude. I'm focused on getting rid of this 3 lb donut around my waist. There are certain things that are affecting my progress.

THE PRETTY ONES...

I'm definitely not one to hate on anyone that takes pride in their personal appearance, BUT.. why are you setting of for "Body Works" in full makeup that by the end of class will culminate into a dirty sweat puddle on the floor? I try not to channel the Bride of Frankenstein during my workouts, but the hairy pits and that inconspicuous whole in your work out gear (almost always near the crotch region) is a bit much. My last request... I don't appreciate standing behind you for 45 minutes in class with a clear view of your purple/pink polk a dot thong. Save that sh*t for the next time you audition for a Plies video.

THE OVER/UNDER ACHIEVER...

If you haven't taken step class in the last two years, why must you set up your step front row center and then proceed not know any part of the routines? Or.. you instead decide that you are the instructor and create your own dysfunctional routine complete with sound effects (all that grunting is unnecessary). I need you to slide to the left and 4 steps back to the Beginner's Section. My absolute favorite.. you decide to pony up 3 risers instead of the standard one only to be left doing a rocking motion from side to side while trying to catch your breath only 10 minutes in or you get too cocky with that "reverse turn straddle" and your a*s has an unexpected meeting with the hardwoods (ouch). And yes.. I chuckle on the inside.

Just a little tidbit for the men. If you are not over the age of 60 or senile, biker shorts and a Fila headband with matching wrist bands are never appropriate.

My personal favorite workout tune (from the strip club vaults) - "Calling My Phone"

SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL..

"Everybody" - Fonzworth Bentley, Andre 3000, Mr. West

The room is spinning. I'm trying to get my bearings. I'm not high, drunk, or on prescription meds.. but have I gone crazy? Maybe I inhaled too much Ajax while cleaning the tub today. I don't know what scares me more.. the fact that a smile unexpectedly crept across my face while witnessing Bentley's newest contribution or the fact that I am blogging on a Saturday night (I am officially registerd at www.iamawackass.com). I don't know what captivated me more.. Andre 3000's wayward eyepatch placement or Kanye's look of deep concentration while attempting to execute that dance routine he learned 10 minutes before the director yelled "action". I LOVE IT! BRAVO! ENCORE!

Sidenote for all potential suitors: When approaching.. this should be your theme music, it should be playing in the background at all times.. it says.. I'm a fun guy, I think outside the box, I have a good grasp of the English language, I'm a winner. Let the macking commense..

Baldwin Hills on BET.... Must Watch!

Okay, here we go... DO NOT give me heat for this! Yes, BET needs to step up on its programming and I promise, they have done a good job with this one! My fellow "chicks" are reality junkies and I AM NOT, however, I felt a strong need to watch this show and I must say, I am HOOKED!!!! This may be SLIGHTLY scripted BUT, It is real!!! This teen-focused reality show that is marketed as BET’s answer to Laguna Beach and The Hills, premiered with a respectable (for BET) 1.5 million viewers on Tuesday. As 2007-2008 BET premieres go, the show comes in second place after Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is, meaning troubled R&B stars are more compelling to BET viewers than upper-middle-class kids and their overbearing parents. However, It is a must watch and I LOVE the characters. I LOVE Staci and Sal. Staci appears to have had a very rough life and I just want her to make it. I want her to know that a world outside of Cali exists!!! Sal knows how to hustle. He is working on his music career and hopefully he will be successful. There are some characters on this show that have had a more privileged life than others, however, I can appreciate their perspective and I am hoping that they make good, solid, decisions that will last them a lifetime. If you missed it, the first season will be available on DVD on July 29th OR you can download the 1st season by clicking here

If you have the audacity to watch The Hills, Laguna Beach, The Real World, Gossip Girl, Flavor Flav, or any other B.S. "so called" reality on TV, you can and should watch this..... Let me know your thoughts.....

LYRICS TO GO...

I have on my "HATER" body armor today. Prepared for the darts about to be thrown at my head. In this day and age, it is very rare I still purchase an actual CD. Like go in the store, pick up an actual CD case, proceed to the counter and pay for it. Between satellite radio and Itunes, my car CD player hasn't seen the like of any new music since the release of American Gangster (Jigga's version) in 07. Seriously, I had to clear some cob webs off it the other day.
So I'm in my favorite place on the earth.. TARGET. Just in there trying to buy some paper towels, plug in refills, and stock up on my bottled water. I walked past the music/video section and noticed there were tons of Nas cd's on the shelf. It was on sale, so I figured .. why not. You know how you are searching for something, but not sure what it is.. and then when you discover it.. you can't figure out how you overlooked it. Strangely.. that is how I felt about Nas' new release. I got a little emotional (I'm off my meds). As we all know.. the program directors at these popular radio stations must have the median age of 13 (I'm sure there are labor laws that are being violated). How else could you explain V.I.C's "Get Silly" still being in heavy rotation. I'm all for the for the genre growing and expanding, but when your lyrical flow can be compared to your average nursery rhyme (excluding the all too common references to oral sex or illegal drug activity), we have a problem. This is coming from the perspective of someone that was alive when hip hop began in the mid 70's.. yes.. I may have been a zygote.. but I remember. So to all the Fan Club Presidents of Soulja Boy, Plies, Ying Yang Twins, Yung Berg.. and to all the established artists who switched up their style to try and stay relevant.. (I'm looking at you L.L.).. let's compare notes.. shall we.. PRO BLACKNESS? OR PURE WACKNESS. See if you can pick the one that has lyrical quality... CHOOSE WISELY GRASSHOPPER..

Lyrics from "Get Silly" - V.I.C.

My chain too silly/my wrist too silly/the girls throw me dish cuz my rims big billin

Lyrics from "Bust It Baby" - Plies/Ne-Yo

First time we had sex/it was like a movie/both of us fell asleep/woke up woozy/love how she say my name/love how she do me/found myself thinking about her sh*t/kinda blew me

Lyrics from NI**ER - Nas

They say we ni**ers/we are much more/but we choose to ignore/the obvious/man, this history don't acknowledge us/we were scholars long before colleges.

If you chose "Get Silly" your reading skills should be at a 3rd grade level, you probably still pee in the bed, and grape or red cool aid is your drink of choice.

If you chose "Bust It Baby".. you have the word "GOON" tatted on you inner forearm, you still wear the removable gold fronts, and you probably tried out for "From G's to Gents" but your parole officer wouldn't let you leave the state.

If you chose "NI**ER" .. take your GOLD star and proceed to Level 2. You will be issued a Hip Hop Elite badge and nighstick to keep wackness in hip hop to a minimum. This gives you the right to handcuff anyone caught listening or knowing the words to anything in the Shawty Lo playlist. Go forth and prosper!



"Hero" - Nas

When is the "N" word EVER appropriate?

I am infuriated and disgusted by Jessie Jackson for many reasons, but this latest sh*t really gets under my skin. First, he is a public figure that prides himself on being "for the people, by the people" but at the same time he is DEGRADING the people!!! First by degrading Senator Barack Obama on air. Like this idiot has not ever done an interview before. Did you not know the microphone was still on Jessie? Dumb move. discuss your opinions with your boy off air. Second, the use of the "N" word in that same interview. So much for marching with Dr. King! Would he be proud of you today? Don't think so! I, personally feel, that if we could eradicate the "N" word from the face of the earth it would NOT be missed. The only time that it should be stated is in the form of documenting history. We justify its use by stating that is is a term of endearment, but is it really or just a filler? If you have a grandparent, parent, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, husband, wife, or even yourself, I am sure, in THIS lifetime, you or one of them, have heard this word in a derogatory manner. Whether it be directly or indirectly, you or someone in your family was called the "N" word and it was not pretty. It did not make you feel good. We, as black, African-American, people of color, or what ever you call yourself have two choices, We, 1. need to stop using it, OR, 2. Need to stop being so sensitive about it. I prefer the former over the latter. I do not think that it is okay for us to use it but no one else. That is stupid. NO ONE should use it. There is nothing so special about the "N" word that it must be used. I can find at least a hundred more words to fill that "void" and still get my point across. You think that it is time for change? Other than making sure that Senator Obama becomes our next president, lets REALLY make a change. Stop calling each other, Ni**a, Ni&&er, of any formulation of the word. There is nothing positive about it. I do not agree with Sherry Shepard and Whoopi Goldberg on this one. SORRY!!!

VIRTUAL ANTIDEPRESSANT

Mentally ill, emotionally disturbed, and potential straight jacket candidates.. please put the Paxil, Zoloft, and Prozac down.. back away from the pharmacy counter.. I've got the cure..

I dare ANYBODY to still be depressed after watching the above clip. Thanks to my favorite blogger site Crunk & Disorderly, I'm able to offer my contribution to Mother Earth! I am adopting this as my new theme music. So whenever a jealous b*tch wants to give you the side eye cause her game is slippin.. arch your back..throw your hands in the air and scream.. "MISS HONEY"! Then all will be right with the world. I'm going to have nightmares about this sh*t.

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER..

Mirror.. mirror on the wall... somebody help me! Just a little observation on my quest to understanding the opposite sex. The sentiment, "Whatever you think you SHOULD do.. do the opposite", rings loud and clear.

This week, I've been helping my mother at the family business.. EXPRESS CAR WASHES (fun)! This is not the most glamorous environment, but you step in when needed and the extra change in your pocket doesn't hurt. To illustrate.. my uniform.. khaki pants, a white/red polo shirt with company logo included.. (and here is when it gets dicey) a wrap cap covered by a khaki fitted. Let me go back and explain the wrap cap (yes.. like the one you wear to bed at night). I spend too much time and money on a weekly basis maintaining my hair between daily work outs at the gym and just running errands in 90+ degree heat. I REFUSE.. to sacrifice the one thing that allows me to exude my girlyness for the world to see (or so I thought). I'm at the car wash/plantation.. doing my usual duties.. which most likely includes the following three things.. DIRT.. DIRT.. AND MORE DIRT! So of course I'm not in the mindset of catching a man. Usually during my inital two hours in this environment.. low self esteem has set in. I usually stop worrying about how hard I'm going to have to scrub my face to get the inch of muck left by the backwash of already filthy cars as they are going through the tunnel. Much to my amazement... I got hit on (by men) more times in a 5 hour window dressed as a Da Brat look alike.. than I do on any given day in my full makeup, pedicured toes, no wrap cap, 3" heel presentation. You know how when you are in a public place and someone looking in your direction throws their hand up and randomly waves at you.. and you cautiously turn around to confirm that they are actually waving at the person behind you. This happens at the car wash several times a day. I refuse to believe that while I'm offering these random suitors a choice in air freshener or removing their antennas, they all of a sudden can see past the dirty nails to consider asking... "Can I call you sometime?". I AM SHOCKED.. should I go on my random daily activities dressed this way, throw the whole girly thing out the window? Maybe it is the thought of seeing a women in a role that is traditionally reserved for a man that makes it sexy. More proof.. I did meet my last boyfriend at the car wash. Do we as women put too much emphasis on outer beauty? Is the average male capable of evolving into a mature individual that can see past the glitz and glam into a women's inner beauty? NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

NOT FOR THE BABIES...

I'm at the Chris Brown/Lloyd concert this weekend.. before you get all R. Kelly, King of the Pedophiles, on me.. a friend had an extra FREE ticket. So I went. While getting dressed to be willingly surrounded by a bunch of screaming adolescents, I was very relieved to not have to put on 3" heels, a pair of tight jeans (2 sizes too small), and my lift 'em high bra to keep the twins in check. T shirt and flip flops were the uniform for this event. So, I get there. Loads of over/under dressed teens excited to show what they bought at the mall a mere 30 minutes earlier... new Apple Bottom jeans.. the new(old) Ed Hardy glitterized t shirt.. flashing/glowing light pacifier (really?).. and the most annoying.. if I see another kid with those damn Kanye custom made window shutter glasses.. I'm going to go all "Flashing Lights" on their a*ses. As I looked over the crowd, I notice the ratio of kids to adults was 10 to 1. Eventhough Lloyd and Chris Brown chose to use the stage as their own personal strip club, that wasn't the most offensive moment of the night. In between set ups, you know how they blast the Ghetto Top Ten during intermission? Well.. our favorite role model Weezy Baby's "Lollipop" pulsed through the speakers. I watched in astonishment as these 9, 10, 11 year olds jumped to their feet to sing all the words. I almost pulled off my belt and opened a can of whoop a*s on these youngins.. reminder.. I ain't got no kids! I wanted to do a Brangelina and scoop some of these kids up, tie them to a chair and make them watch recurring episodes of Fraggle Rock. So.. the next time Little Ne Ne thinks it cute to want to "Make It Rain".. remind them that YOU will exile them to a polygamist colony in Utah, and they will be forced into an arranged marriage with a creepy 45 year old man. I am now officially old!

ALUMNI WEBSITES- HARMLESS OR DANGEROUS.....

Okay, At this point, you probably have received a request to join your college/university alumni website(especially if you went to a HBCU) or, if your high school is technologically (is that a word?) savvy, THEY even have an alumni website for you to join. This can be pleasurable or possibly painful.. Maybe a little of both! At first, it almost becomes an addiction. You post your page and then the flood gates open. Everyone is searching for you OR you are searching for everyone. You are on the site maybe 2, 3, 10 times a day!!! Who are you looking for? An old roommate, maybe an accounting classmate, sorority sister or frat brother and aah, yes, that male/female that you once dated, had amazing sex with, or who broke your heart. It is inevitable. It is human nature. It is okay to be a "voyeur" as long as you do not become a stalker AND you have good intentions. It is nice to see who is married or not, their cute or not so cute(sorry, God forgive me!)children. You just want an update. And guess what, whomever contacts you wants an update as well. Most people are caring individuals that really want the best for you but the "Haters" are there. Lurking in the cut, hoping you are unhappy in your current situation. And your "situation" does not matter. Married, single, if they send you a "message" and in your response you give them the slightest inkling that you could be interested in "keeping contact" and you know the type of "keeping contact" that I am talking about, you could be headed for trouble. As I visit my alumni website on occasion :) I just have one rule of thumb. Think before you type. Once it is sent, it is immortalized......

When Friends & Fam Turn into Haters

Okay, so I know you can't choose your family ...and keep your friends closer and your enemies even closer...blah, blah, blah...but WHY is it that most people -- okay, I'll say it, BLACK people aren't happy for you when you're doing well and they are pleased as punch (yes, I said it, and I'm Black) when you are struggling in a $4+ per gallon economy, surviving the foreclosure frenzy, and nearing the end...(THANK GOD) of an 8-year reign of idiocraty (not a real word) that tied up everyone's pockets and crushed the morale of even the highest of rollers.

Within the last week, I have encountered a family member who said "wow, you have a really big butt," to "you're probably going to lose your hair" and "hey, your house could look a lot better if you just did a little of this, and a little of that". Then a "friend" (loosely defined as far as I'm concerned) comes over and piles on more negative comments.

Now am I a little sensitive because like most, I really don't like criticism? Probably. But isn't it even worse when you don't ask for these opinions, which are indeed like a**holes and everyone has one?!?

Now don't get me wrong, on the flip side, I've got some wonderful friends, some great family support, and some truly loving folks in my camp, but it's those few sour comments that really spoil even the sweetest of apples. So as I revel in my mid-30s, I am really looking forward to replacing these idiots with fresh sets of friends. I don't expect to never be pissed off (or on) again, but at least I'm no longer afraid to flush these fools down the toilet. HOLLA!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

A comical reminder, on our nation's 232nd birthday, how important it is to have the right to vote. Not only the right to vote, but exercising that right. PLEASE GO TO THE POLLS.

SWAGGER ALERT: If you are allergic to swagger of any kind, please divert your eyes.





Have a happy and safe weekend!

WHY I'M SINGLE: REASON #562 THE DOWN LOW CHRONICLES

Tsk.. Tsk.. you are not fooling me with this one. Who's been keeping "Tangy" Johnson under wraps? That bulge in his pants is not for me. Claiming to be single and ready to mingle but I think it's more like "Dont' Ask Don't Tell". Ladies, this one was an easy one, but I would recommend you upload the Gaydar '08 version. If you are still using the '05 download, you could be stuck on a first date singing the chorus to "It's Raining Men".

I SHOULDN'T... BUT I MUST..

"Let the Beat Hit 'Em" - Artist Unknown


I'm a little late. I was trying to avoid having this conversation. Anything connected with this year's BET awards, I wanted to leave at the altar.. lay my burdens down... say a prayer for the needy. You know how mama tells you.. "If you ain't got nothin' nice to say..". With all the sheer foolishness I witnessed, my eyes could not focus.... eventually forcing me to press the mute button so I wouldn't lose anymore brain cells. First my personal disclaimer.. I do this out of love (fear), and not hate(low self esteem).... Mi hermana latina (I know a little chica), Somebody took a handful of "who gives a damn" pills before they hopped into their rented limo on the way to the BET awards. I won't say her name cause I don't want Bugaloo Shrimp and Full Force to find out where I live and stone me with old jerri curl juice bottles... BUT.. her family members should have put her in a head lock and sewn three layers of lycra on before picking out that disco mama dress. Ain't nothing wrong with a little Spanx. PLEASE BELIEVE..if I knew an audience of more than 12 people were going to see me on tv.. Billy Blanks would've been on speed dial. Learn it.. love it.. I must've eaten two bowls of evil this morning.. In tonight's prayer, I will ask for forgiveness. Now back to my own problems.